On November 14, 2012 the New York Times published a scathing review of Guy Fieri’s restaurant recently opened in Times Square. This is his response.
Whoa, hombre! Mucho questions for the Guyster about my new BESTaurant, Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar. First off, let me just say gracias – or, grassy ass, as the Fieri Familia says – for popping into my joint to get your grub on. Flavor Town is always happy to welcome one more dude or dudette, even if they’re just passing through! And speaking of passing through (your bowels, specifically), I see you didn’t have a chance to give Guy’s Gargantuan Gallon of Gooey Grilled Grits a spin?! That’s like Dexter Holland cutting off his corn-row braids: a big mistake! The Offsping was never the same after that! But bummer! Seems like you didn’t have a good time and if there’s one thing Guy hates, it’s anybody not having a good time! Seriously, I hate seeing people down in the dumps. And speaking of the dumps, I hope you didn’t happen to order the Kickin’ Chicken Fieri Fiesta Fajitas (with or without Douche Sauce) because the chicken shipment we got in last week was like Billy Zane in Titanic: It went bad, brotha! Looks like you had a few problemo-s with the chow, the vibe and the RADitutde of the servers. I get it, buddy. I’m an acquired taste, just like our Chewy Moo-ey Big Beef Bonanaza Burger with Beddar Cheddar EZ Cheeze and Guy’s S.O.G. Fries (Salt, Oil, Grease). Bee-Tee-Double-U, if you order Guy’s S.O.G. Fries make sure you eat ‘em right away. Otherwise they’re like the 1994 Lillyhammer Winter Olympics: too cold!
this is terrifying.